"It's time to grow up," He said.
Well, he didn't really say that. Those words didn't come out of his
mouth, but you could tell that's what his defeated spirit was saying.
He'd been at it for over a year. Fixing to hit his dreams with
reality. A mixture that no alcoholic alive could possibly conjure, let
alone consume. Some doubters say he was doomed from the start, but I
believed in him. I saw the truth for what it is and not for what he was
selling it to be.
"I've got a job back there. Well, they want to talk with me at least.
Said it's for more than minimum wage, so I gotta at least look."
"When?"
"Leaving in 10 days. She'll be joining me there soon."
Oh yeah, her. I forgot about her and how she plays into this. He
finally dropped the wall and let someone in. Weird. I thought that was
one of the most indestructible pieces of work known to mankind, that
wall he built. There was that one, and that's the reason why he was
here. He allowed that one behind the curtain, but when he showed up,
she left - and Miller Lite and I helped him back up. Well, we can't
possibly take all the credit. I think the written word and tumblr
helped a bit. And that's where her comes in.
He met her there. Like in nature, this seed started to sprout deep in
some dark snarly part of the interwebs. tumblr to be exact. At least
that's the story he told me, and brothers don't lie to each other,
unless you lost their favorite jackknife. So I went with it as the
truth. "Been talking since May," I remember him saying in the mildly
cold truck that night coming back from Poseyville Party Store, "She's
from California." Cahh-lee-foh-nee-ah. Yes Ah-nuld, that California.
"Fuck dude, it's December!" The words escaped my mouth like a prisoner
from an insane asylum. He chuckled, "Heh, heh... I know, right?"
"Dad said I can come back and she can move in too. Until we find a
place of our own. But we won't be long. Six, eight months.... Just
gonna make some money to move back here."
"That's cool."
"Yeah, Dad's wife said she can probably get her a job there too, so... you know two can save so much more than one."
"Oh absolutely."
I don't quite remember where our conversation trailed from there... it
probably encircled a number of different things from baseball to the
random things that my kids do... It doesn't really matter now. Those
are words that get easily erased, when I should etch them in stone.
The ten days has come and gone now, and his chair is cold. Well, colder
than it was when his ass was fitted into it. He always said it was
cold at the house in the Michigan winter. I always laughed at him. I'm
not laughing now.
I miss that man. I miss my brother.
He chased his dreams for over a year and it looks like in the end, his
dreams chased him back. I hope her shows up, and her helps him realize
that in his chase he was able to find her, and her is what all his
dreams truly are.
I'll be waiting for that email or text saying, "I'm coming home brother"
and I'll head to Poseyville Party Store again to buy two cases of our
cold friend, Miller Lite. I will toast your pretty chauffeur as she
escorts you down the dirty gravel driveway of mine and I will greet her
with a hug and you with a handshake, sir.
May that day come quickly...
Monday, January 16, 2012
Friday, August 19, 2011
the death of a teenage dream
the long haired teenager
listens faithfully
to his music
and it brings to his mind,
thoughts full of grandeur.
of one day
being onstage and being
the opening act for his favorite band.
his ripped jeans
and combat boots
and t-shirts
are a mainstay to his wardrobe
and the guitar that he drags around
everywhere he goes
is in desperate need of a correct tuning
but
it still lays as the backdrop
for the lyrics and songs
he writes
somewhere in the hall
between 3rd and 4th hour.
It was then
During his Sophomore year
That the kids at his school
Began to
Mockhim
Teasehim
Kickhim
Punchhim
Put him down
Belittle his dreams
and the teachers didn’t stop the abuse
They turned their head
They turned a blind eye
They turned the channel
and ignored what they did
because, after all
“Kids will be Kids”
so he cut his hair
and he changed his clothes
and he changed his music
and he lost the boots
and he lost the torn, faded jeans
and he burned the t-shirts
and he conformed.
He is no longer alive
He is no longer there
He is now a part of them.
and they killed him,
they killed who he was.
Kids have a knack for killing what they don’t understand.
listens faithfully
to his music
and it brings to his mind,
thoughts full of grandeur.
of one day
being onstage and being
the opening act for his favorite band.
his ripped jeans
and combat boots
and t-shirts
are a mainstay to his wardrobe
and the guitar that he drags around
everywhere he goes
is in desperate need of a correct tuning
but
it still lays as the backdrop
for the lyrics and songs
he writes
somewhere in the hall
between 3rd and 4th hour.
It was then
During his Sophomore year
That the kids at his school
Began to
Mock
Tease
Kick
Punch
Put him down
Belittle his dreams
and the teachers didn’t stop the abuse
They turned their head
They turned a blind eye
They turned the channel
and ignored what they did
because, after all
“Kids will be Kids”
so he cut his hair
and he changed his clothes
and he changed his music
and he lost the boots
and he lost the torn, faded jeans
and he burned the t-shirts
and he conformed.
He is no longer alive
He is no longer there
He is now a part of them.
and they killed him,
they killed who he was.
Kids have a knack for killing what they don’t understand.
Monday, June 20, 2011
RMD
I didn’t know him
personally, that is.
And yet it seemed we shared
a certain
kindred spirit,
of sorts.
Standing quietly by,
watching,
as the leader of the circus
brings the crowds in.
Throwing it all in the face of
what
seemed
right.
Only to emerge with pained laughter
and
bloody swollen bruises,
that heal with time.
He is gone now,
and things won’t be the same.
But his memory will keep me
smiling…
…waiting for time to heal this bloody bruise.
Thank you Ryan.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
1+1=2
The whole sum of our existence is this: that we, each of us, want to be loved and accepted. Mostly accepted because within acceptance is a certain degree of love.
Think about it. It happens all the time.
We change our own personal beliefs to fit the corporate beliefs of the church we attend.
We change our lifestyles when we take that initial step of marriage. We change it to fit with the person whom we've chosen to share the rest of our life. We change it to make them want to be around us more and more. More decidedly, we change it within each and every relationship that leads up to that point... the point where "i" becomes "us".
We buy goods and services to bring our friends closer to us. We change in that. Buying a beer or a drink for a friend in a bar brings our life to the point where we're different. We sacrifice our time to harvest theirs, and they sacrifice theirs to harvest ours. Changing who we are to keep them around.
As children, we starve and thirst, sometimes even ache for our parents approval. We seek ways in which to please them, to garner their love. The acceptance in a "Good Job" uttered after an unassisted double play, or a "Well done" when greeted after a school-age dramatic performance; that seemingly simple phrase represents the whole of our sweat and toil. It's why we put out our best when coloring inside the lines, or brushing our teeth or even doing the daily chores. If we don't get that elementary positive influence, then we tend to grow into a life of over-achieving.
Even within our churches, the place where we typically learn the least about God, we're taught to gain God through our actions. Following the Ten Commandments, teaching a Sunday School class, hosting a Bible Study, witnessing... wearing the right Christian t-shirts.... all of those actions are what brings God closer to us, right? It's through our actions that God bestows His Love and Acceptance upon us, correct? Isn't that what is taught in our western culture based church?
Look at our likes and dislikes... How many of you 'like' certain movies because your friends like them? Or certain songs, music and artists? Wouldn't hate groups like the Ku Klux Klan or the Aryan Nation be befuddled in their recruiting if we all just gave up on what is told to us to hate, and embraced who and what we really genuinely love what we love, and hate what we hate... not because someone told us, but because that's the full realization of what WE love and hate.
A-F, Hollister, American Eagle, even Joe Boxer... All clothing lines that we purchase, not because they are the top of the line gear in terms of long lasting, most durable... but we buy these items because we want our friends and possibly a "special person" to like us, to approve of us... The same goes for our hairstyles, eating habits and even the kinds of coffee we consume.
As one movie character says, "...the things we consume end up consuming us..."
And for what? Do we strive to spend money, or are we earnestly seeking acceptance, love and/or approval? Yes Virginia, we are a selfish species for what we desperately crave and search for is that which we cannot give ourselves... the approval, acceptance and love of others.
So, the sum of our existence is as I said in the beginning of this piece... to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and approved of by those with who we respect and love.
I hope you see it now.
Think about it. It happens all the time.
We change our own personal beliefs to fit the corporate beliefs of the church we attend.
We change our lifestyles when we take that initial step of marriage. We change it to fit with the person whom we've chosen to share the rest of our life. We change it to make them want to be around us more and more. More decidedly, we change it within each and every relationship that leads up to that point... the point where "i" becomes "us".
We buy goods and services to bring our friends closer to us. We change in that. Buying a beer or a drink for a friend in a bar brings our life to the point where we're different. We sacrifice our time to harvest theirs, and they sacrifice theirs to harvest ours. Changing who we are to keep them around.
As children, we starve and thirst, sometimes even ache for our parents approval. We seek ways in which to please them, to garner their love. The acceptance in a "Good Job" uttered after an unassisted double play, or a "Well done" when greeted after a school-age dramatic performance; that seemingly simple phrase represents the whole of our sweat and toil. It's why we put out our best when coloring inside the lines, or brushing our teeth or even doing the daily chores. If we don't get that elementary positive influence, then we tend to grow into a life of over-achieving.
Even within our churches, the place where we typically learn the least about God, we're taught to gain God through our actions. Following the Ten Commandments, teaching a Sunday School class, hosting a Bible Study, witnessing... wearing the right Christian t-shirts.... all of those actions are what brings God closer to us, right? It's through our actions that God bestows His Love and Acceptance upon us, correct? Isn't that what is taught in our western culture based church?
Look at our likes and dislikes... How many of you 'like' certain movies because your friends like them? Or certain songs, music and artists? Wouldn't hate groups like the Ku Klux Klan or the Aryan Nation be befuddled in their recruiting if we all just gave up on what is told to us to hate, and embraced who and what we really genuinely love what we love, and hate what we hate... not because someone told us, but because that's the full realization of what WE love and hate.
A-F, Hollister, American Eagle, even Joe Boxer... All clothing lines that we purchase, not because they are the top of the line gear in terms of long lasting, most durable... but we buy these items because we want our friends and possibly a "special person" to like us, to approve of us... The same goes for our hairstyles, eating habits and even the kinds of coffee we consume.
As one movie character says, "...the things we consume end up consuming us..."
And for what? Do we strive to spend money, or are we earnestly seeking acceptance, love and/or approval? Yes Virginia, we are a selfish species for what we desperately crave and search for is that which we cannot give ourselves... the approval, acceptance and love of others.
So, the sum of our existence is as I said in the beginning of this piece... to be loved, appreciated, accepted, and approved of by those with who we respect and love.
I hope you see it now.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Spank my label and call me Mable
Bi-Polar Disorder
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Personality Disorder
Attention Deficit Disorder
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
These are just a few of the labels we throw on our children now. They grow up, looking to become something, anything.... And yet within a few years, if our kid does not behave or become someone/something that we've envisioned them to be, we quickly slap a label on them.
Oh, don't get me wrong, it doesn't stop there. We also try to modify their behavior by throwing handfuls and handfuls of pills down their throat.
Ritalin
Lithium
Prozac
Xanax
Haldol
Welbutrin
Paxil
Zoloft
Ativan
Adderrall
Society has changed to the point where they rely too much on doctors who are "practicing medicine" to raise our children through the use of anti-psychotic, anti-depressive drugs.
Back in my day, we didn't get labeled with those names...
We got labeled with names like:
Spoiled Brat
Spaz
Hyper
Retarded
And usually those names fit. They fit because that's how we acted. And no one treated us with drugs to try and set us "right" as was deemed in someone else's eyes. They knew a 6 year old little boy should be rambunctious. They knew that little girls are sometimes catty. They knew sometimes little kids fight, and sometimes some kids were just plain stupid (retarded). If we didn't behave with respect when we were supposed to, we got spanked and taught how we were to act, in regards to each individual situation.
But then some dumbass doctor decided to write a paper and pronounce that spankings were detrimental to the health and well being of the development of children. Really? Did he really just say that?
So now we've had to create all sorts of "labels" for our children in order to treat them instead of disciplining them. Our discipline is now chemically based.
And look where it's gotten us today as a society and culture....
Proverbs 13.24
The one who spares his rod of discipline hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him.
Now don't get me wrong, discipline is COMPLETELY different from abuse. But that subject is for another day...
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
Personality Disorder
Attention Deficit Disorder
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder
Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
These are just a few of the labels we throw on our children now. They grow up, looking to become something, anything.... And yet within a few years, if our kid does not behave or become someone/something that we've envisioned them to be, we quickly slap a label on them.
Oh, don't get me wrong, it doesn't stop there. We also try to modify their behavior by throwing handfuls and handfuls of pills down their throat.
Ritalin
Lithium
Prozac
Xanax
Haldol
Welbutrin
Paxil
Zoloft
Ativan
Adderrall
Society has changed to the point where they rely too much on doctors who are "practicing medicine" to raise our children through the use of anti-psychotic, anti-depressive drugs.
Back in my day, we didn't get labeled with those names...
We got labeled with names like:
Spoiled Brat
Spaz
Hyper
Retarded
And usually those names fit. They fit because that's how we acted. And no one treated us with drugs to try and set us "right" as was deemed in someone else's eyes. They knew a 6 year old little boy should be rambunctious. They knew that little girls are sometimes catty. They knew sometimes little kids fight, and sometimes some kids were just plain stupid (retarded). If we didn't behave with respect when we were supposed to, we got spanked and taught how we were to act, in regards to each individual situation.
But then some dumbass doctor decided to write a paper and pronounce that spankings were detrimental to the health and well being of the development of children. Really? Did he really just say that?
So now we've had to create all sorts of "labels" for our children in order to treat them instead of disciplining them. Our discipline is now chemically based.
And look where it's gotten us today as a society and culture....
Proverbs 13.24
The one who spares his rod of discipline hates his child, but the one who loves his child is diligent in disciplining him.
Now don't get me wrong, discipline is COMPLETELY different from abuse. But that subject is for another day...
Monday, April 11, 2011
Happy Birthday Sir
When I received the phone call
I didn't think twice
I loved the game
I lived the game
I breathed the game
Then came time to meet this ragamuffin group
those boys who had big hopes and
big dreams
Of the
M
L
B
What a gang it was.
From "Nuts"
to "Salad Shooter"
I think we had every genre covered.
Smokin' Joe tried his best to bring
something from nothing
until
he handed the reins over to me.
Who was I?
A skinny newlywed
with a baby on the way,
due pretty much any day.
What did I know?
I honestly didn't know much.
But I saw a few bright sparkles
amongst a crowd of boys
some, who didn't care one bit,
whether they were there or not.
One of those areas of sunshine
was a fine lad.
Wasn't blessed with the physique
of that of a future hall of famer.
Heck, he'd be hard pressed to
make it to Varsity level
with that set of shoulders he was sporting.
But where he lacked in
physical stature
he made up for plenty
in the brains department.
This kid knew more about the game
than the head coach.
His work ethic was superb.
His knowledge was outstanding.
I chose him to be most improved
even though, I considered myself most improved
because he improved me.
The years marched on... the baby on it's way
turned into four... But
...that friendship, that relationship that was birthed
on the dirt infield of the Junior Varsity Baseball field
of Bullock Creek High School... well, it was something different.
He still calls me 'Coach' occasionally, not as often as he used to...
...but that's ok. That's fine with me.
Because I'm no longer his coach...
We're brothers.
Never once in a million years did I ever think
that that scrappy second baseman, the one who really truly
wanted to play third, would ever teach me so much about life.
I'm just so glad that he has,
that he is and
that he will continue to.
Dennis, sir, I love you.
I thank you for the man that you are to me.
I can only hope to someday repay you for all that you've done.
Sunday, April 3, 2011
geezus addiction
Trying to convince someone to come to Christ by sharing about of God's wrath is like trying to convince a smoker to quit smoking because he'll die from smoking related causes.
It just doesn't work.
Not long term anyways.
I'm going to go ahead and put this disclaimer out: I'm not a smoker, so I have no idea what a nicotine addict goes through.
It just doesn't work.
Not long term anyways.
I'm going to go ahead and put this disclaimer out: I'm not a smoker, so I have no idea what a nicotine addict goes through.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
324
Since When...
did it become wrong to have your own opinion?
Since When...
did it become wrong to voice that opinion?
Since When...
did we lose the ability to think for ourselves?
Since When...
did the 'unions' of our lives begin to live for us?
It seems the topic of the day anymore is unions. The NFL Players Union, whoops I mean Players Association (we can't call them a 'union' anymore since they voted to de-certify, even though they continue to act as though they are a union) is the big news. No one knows when or if Football will be played again on a Professional level. And guess what their number one sticking point is?
Money.
A few years ago it seems that there was a few other business' that needed some help from the government because they couldn't keep themselves afloat, financially speaking. These business' rely heavily on it's workers who are unionized and cry for more and more of what the NFLPA is crying for.
Money.
They say that Rome wasn't built in a day, but we do know that it was destroyed from within, by the Romans themselves. A slow agonizing death. As mighty as that civilization was, the source of it's cancer can be traced back down to one evil. Greed. Ravaging inflation and overtaxing of it's people led to a government obese with bureaucracy and with that came the eventual decline and decay of the roman civilization. And what were they greedy for?
Money.
If you ask me, our once proud country is headed, nay, we are running full strength towards the same plight that the Romans had experienced. And in my opinion the unions of today (most notably the teacher's unions) will be the catalyst of the slow destruction of the United States of America. I know I'm probably the minority voice (save for a couple of outspoken governors) but the prophets usually were the lone voice in the desert.
This blog will eventually post on my Facebook account, and I'm sure to get a huge amount of push back from the uneducated union aficionados who continue to argue and claim that the stereotypes are not true (oh no, there's no one making $45/hr sleeping on a couch in a breakroom in Detroit - That's never happened). I'm sure I'll have my fair share of teacher friends, who are ardent union supporters and not necessarily education enthusiasts, yell and scream and claim that I have no legitimate standard by which to measure a teacher's failure/success rate.
I know there'll be certain individuals who will read this and think to themselves, "He's only saying those things because he doesn't know what the union is like." And that's where you'd be wrong my friend.
You see I am a member of the local union 324. I know exactly what I am talking about.
did it become wrong to have your own opinion?
Since When...
did it become wrong to voice that opinion?
Since When...
did we lose the ability to think for ourselves?
Since When...
did the 'unions' of our lives begin to live for us?
It seems the topic of the day anymore is unions. The NFL Players Union, whoops I mean Players Association (we can't call them a 'union' anymore since they voted to de-certify, even though they continue to act as though they are a union) is the big news. No one knows when or if Football will be played again on a Professional level. And guess what their number one sticking point is?
Money.
A few years ago it seems that there was a few other business' that needed some help from the government because they couldn't keep themselves afloat, financially speaking. These business' rely heavily on it's workers who are unionized and cry for more and more of what the NFLPA is crying for.
Money.
They say that Rome wasn't built in a day, but we do know that it was destroyed from within, by the Romans themselves. A slow agonizing death. As mighty as that civilization was, the source of it's cancer can be traced back down to one evil. Greed. Ravaging inflation and overtaxing of it's people led to a government obese with bureaucracy and with that came the eventual decline and decay of the roman civilization. And what were they greedy for?
Money.
If you ask me, our once proud country is headed, nay, we are running full strength towards the same plight that the Romans had experienced. And in my opinion the unions of today (most notably the teacher's unions) will be the catalyst of the slow destruction of the United States of America. I know I'm probably the minority voice (save for a couple of outspoken governors) but the prophets usually were the lone voice in the desert.
This blog will eventually post on my Facebook account, and I'm sure to get a huge amount of push back from the uneducated union aficionados who continue to argue and claim that the stereotypes are not true (oh no, there's no one making $45/hr sleeping on a couch in a breakroom in Detroit - That's never happened). I'm sure I'll have my fair share of teacher friends, who are ardent union supporters and not necessarily education enthusiasts, yell and scream and claim that I have no legitimate standard by which to measure a teacher's failure/success rate.
I know there'll be certain individuals who will read this and think to themselves, "He's only saying those things because he doesn't know what the union is like." And that's where you'd be wrong my friend.
You see I am a member of the local union 324. I know exactly what I am talking about.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
sideways glances and second chances
I was driving down the road this afternoon with my best friend, when we passed by a seemingly abandoned house with detached garage.
Mr. Observant pointed out something that caused me to think.
He said, "You know that place, while now abandoned, was once loved and used by someone."
He went on to say, "In a lot of ways, it's like our lives. How many people are loved, used, had worth and value placed within them... only to be lost along the way."
"Cobwebs now fill the hallways and doorframes where once stood families and friends. In that, how often have people stepped out of our lives, or vice versa, in so much as to have caused another life, or house, to be considered 'abandoned'."
So it got me to thinking...
As we progress through life, we find ourselves making new acquaintances and new friends, but how often do we walk out of our old friend's lives and cause them to be like these abandoned houses?
What happens to us when we "drive by" someone and see that they are broken down, becoming in disrepair, starting to look like an empty old shack? What does that do to our guts inside? Do you take a second glance back as you pass?
Is your daily walk filled with sideways glances or second chances?
Mr. Observant pointed out something that caused me to think.
He said, "You know that place, while now abandoned, was once loved and used by someone."
He went on to say, "In a lot of ways, it's like our lives. How many people are loved, used, had worth and value placed within them... only to be lost along the way."
"Cobwebs now fill the hallways and doorframes where once stood families and friends. In that, how often have people stepped out of our lives, or vice versa, in so much as to have caused another life, or house, to be considered 'abandoned'."
So it got me to thinking...
As we progress through life, we find ourselves making new acquaintances and new friends, but how often do we walk out of our old friend's lives and cause them to be like these abandoned houses?
What happens to us when we "drive by" someone and see that they are broken down, becoming in disrepair, starting to look like an empty old shack? What does that do to our guts inside? Do you take a second glance back as you pass?
Is your daily walk filled with sideways glances or second chances?
Monday, March 7, 2011
donmilleris a lot of things to a lot of people
The way he told me his story led me no where except to a closer journey with Jesus. Now my story is a story of a million miles in a thousand years too...
DonMilleris a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me he's something special.
DonMilleris a lot of things to a lot of people, but to me he's something special.
What story are you telling? from Rhetorik Creative on Vimeo.
Get the book at Amazon here
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Eternal Death
Eternal death...
how can that be?
Isn't death just plain death?
I mean, I always thought death was like water, or being wet.
You jump into a lake, you get wet. You don't continue getting wetter, you just remain in that state of being wet. Once you're wet, you're wet until you dry.
Just like that, once you experience death, don't you remain in that state of being dead? How do you continue getting dead? Once you're dead, you're dead until you rise again. Right?
These thoughts are in regards to the magazine Christianity Today's statement of faith (signed by all of it's editors) "At the end of the age … the righteous shall enter into the full possession of eternal bliss in the presence of God, and the wicked shall be condemned to eternal death."
I'd think that a bunch of educated Christian people who are supposed to know a thing or two about the Bible, should know something about death.
Now if they were trying to say "death eternal" meaning death with no chance for rebirth, then they should have stated that. But to say eternal death... well that just implies a death that is a continually happening event, and I don't see that as being able to happen. I mean, either you're dead, or you aren't. There's just not much more to this process of crossing over from life to death.
how can that be?
Isn't death just plain death?
I mean, I always thought death was like water, or being wet.
You jump into a lake, you get wet. You don't continue getting wetter, you just remain in that state of being wet. Once you're wet, you're wet until you dry.
Just like that, once you experience death, don't you remain in that state of being dead? How do you continue getting dead? Once you're dead, you're dead until you rise again. Right?
These thoughts are in regards to the magazine Christianity Today's statement of faith (signed by all of it's editors) "At the end of the age … the righteous shall enter into the full possession of eternal bliss in the presence of God, and the wicked shall be condemned to eternal death."
I'd think that a bunch of educated Christian people who are supposed to know a thing or two about the Bible, should know something about death.
Now if they were trying to say "death eternal" meaning death with no chance for rebirth, then they should have stated that. But to say eternal death... well that just implies a death that is a continually happening event, and I don't see that as being able to happen. I mean, either you're dead, or you aren't. There's just not much more to this process of crossing over from life to death.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
walk down the staircase and find the unlocked room
My mind twists and turns
as my thoughts
wind circles around
deeper and deeper.
I find myself searching and wondering
what staircases lie ahead
and where they'll lead me.
Will I open a door that leads me into
a room,
a room with a lock and
no
way
out?
Or will the areas that I'm
unlocking
be places that I go
to keep the wolves from howling?
Have I discovered a newfound way
to escape, or is it
the beginning
of the path
towards insanity?
I can hear them talking
to me,
with me,
and
about me... with each breath I breathe.
I'm sure this may sound funny to you who live in the here and now
but maybe
I've found the way to get to there and later.
I just hope the stairway doesn't close,
for fear of what I may lose of myself
if it does.
But this isn't a nonsensical bit of diatribe,
rather,
a carefully thought out piece of prose.
Even though,
you cannot make heads or tails of what I'm saying.
I'm probably
the only one who knows.
It's too much to not sit here now
and craft and create
when I hear the deep low growl
grabbing my soul
as I breathe deep.
Hearing the crows in the distance
and the drumbeat in my head,
praying...
praying that when the time stops....
silence.
Looking within, feeling it
building... it's swell reaching a fever pitch.
my blood.
Artistic coverings bring forth the muse
and cause my eyes to roll back into the back of my head...
my neck, twisting under the weight of the burden
that no one should carry. Can I? Will I be able to withstand it's weight?
as the strings are being plucked and strummed, life is gained and lost
all in the same chord structure. Will it's magick be brought along?
Feel the wrath of those who do not know... those that cannot care...
feel it in my bones, scraping my soul from the marrow that exudes
the very lifebreath that creates my innermost... alone. without friend.
The jackals circle now.
the fight in me almost gone and they sense it.
I can't go home. It's too late for that now. It's too much of a task to complete.
What will i be ushered into next? When will I walk that next staircase?
And still the drum beats on...
as my thoughts
wind circles around
deeper and deeper.
I find myself searching and wondering
what staircases lie ahead
and where they'll lead me.
Will I open a door that leads me into
a room,
a room with a lock and
no
way
out?
Or will the areas that I'm
unlocking
be places that I go
to keep the wolves from howling?
Have I discovered a newfound way
to escape, or is it
the beginning
of the path
towards insanity?
I can hear them talking
to me,
with me,
and
about me... with each breath I breathe.
I'm sure this may sound funny to you who live in the here and now
but maybe
I've found the way to get to there and later.
I just hope the stairway doesn't close,
for fear of what I may lose of myself
if it does.
But this isn't a nonsensical bit of diatribe,
rather,
a carefully thought out piece of prose.
Even though,
you cannot make heads or tails of what I'm saying.
I'm probably
the only one who knows.
It's too much to not sit here now
and craft and create
when I hear the deep low growl
grabbing my soul
as I breathe deep.
Hearing the crows in the distance
and the drumbeat in my head,
praying...
praying that when the time stops....
silence.
Looking within, feeling it
building... it's swell reaching a fever pitch.
my blood.
Artistic coverings bring forth the muse
and cause my eyes to roll back into the back of my head...
my neck, twisting under the weight of the burden
that no one should carry. Can I? Will I be able to withstand it's weight?
as the strings are being plucked and strummed, life is gained and lost
all in the same chord structure. Will it's magick be brought along?
Feel the wrath of those who do not know... those that cannot care...
feel it in my bones, scraping my soul from the marrow that exudes
the very lifebreath that creates my innermost... alone. without friend.
The jackals circle now.
the fight in me almost gone and they sense it.
I can't go home. It's too late for that now. It's too much of a task to complete.
What will i be ushered into next? When will I walk that next staircase?
And still the drum beats on...
Sunday, February 20, 2011
we all, like sheep, have gone astray
like mindless
cattle,
they slowly gather
in line
to eat
and
to drink...
of Him.
following a ritual
that
was
never
meant
to
be
a
ritual
"...do this in remembrance of me..."
where
is the intimacy
if,
by remembering Him,
you
do the same thing
as when
standing in line
at a fast food
restaurant?
cattle,
they slowly gather
in line
to eat
and
to drink...
of Him.
following a ritual
that
was
never
meant
to
be
a
ritual
"...do this in remembrance of me..."
where
is the intimacy
if,
by remembering Him,
you
do the same thing
as when
standing in line
at a fast food
restaurant?
Sunday, February 13, 2011
throwing stones
I get so aggravated with "today's Christians" who claim to follow Christ, but when you boil it down, they don't know who He is.
Slap a christian bumper sticker on the back of your car... carry your Bible around... wear your "Sunday best" to church... put on your cliche christian t-shirt when you go to church events or are around your "church friends", and most of all, be sure to change the way you act when you're around them too!
Really?
REALLY?
Do you even know what Christ came to us for?
Open your Bible... Read about Him a little...
He didn't come to add more "rules," He was sent to better define the ones already laid out. And yet you STILL don't get it...
Who did Christ spend His time on earth mingling with?
How many of His followers were "church friends?"
Using His own words, IN THREE DIFFERENT GOSPELS, who did He say He came to find?
Matthew 9, Mark 2, and Luke 5
What did Christ most care about?
HOW CAN YOU CLAIM TO KNOW HIM IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS?
How can you show Christ to those around you if everyone you surround yourself with "knows" who He is?
I guess what I'm saying can be summarize in this...
if you don't prioritize what Christ prioritized,
if you don't stand up for and stand up against what He stood for and against,
if you don't really care about what Christ cared about,
then you've truly missed the point.
Think long and hard about that the next time you decide to judge someone because they do something that your particular denomination may believe to be wrong... take a look and see where your denomination stands when it comes to what Christ cared most about...
...and then you can start throwing stones at me.
Slap a christian bumper sticker on the back of your car... carry your Bible around... wear your "Sunday best" to church... put on your cliche christian t-shirt when you go to church events or are around your "church friends", and most of all, be sure to change the way you act when you're around them too!
Really?
REALLY?
Do you even know what Christ came to us for?
Open your Bible... Read about Him a little...
He didn't come to add more "rules," He was sent to better define the ones already laid out. And yet you STILL don't get it...
Who did Christ spend His time on earth mingling with?
How many of His followers were "church friends?"
Using His own words, IN THREE DIFFERENT GOSPELS, who did He say He came to find?
Matthew 9, Mark 2, and Luke 5
What did Christ most care about?
HOW CAN YOU CLAIM TO KNOW HIM IF YOU DON'T KNOW THE ANSWERS TO THESE QUESTIONS?
How can you show Christ to those around you if everyone you surround yourself with "knows" who He is?
I guess what I'm saying can be summarize in this...
if you don't prioritize what Christ prioritized,
if you don't stand up for and stand up against what He stood for and against,
if you don't really care about what Christ cared about,
then you've truly missed the point.
Think long and hard about that the next time you decide to judge someone because they do something that your particular denomination may believe to be wrong... take a look and see where your denomination stands when it comes to what Christ cared most about...
...and then you can start throwing stones at me.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
This was an OLD post that wasn't published, until now...
I've been somewhat emotional recently, and I wonder if it isn't because of the weather.
You see, I've been self-diagnosed as suffering from seasonal depression, but it may be more than just this ongoing winter that is really bringing me down.
And I don't exactly know why either.
Here are some of the positives that I'm experiencing:
1. My best friend lives with us. He thinks he's mooching, but really we're mooching off his humor and wisdom. All of my friends love him and he just fits right in on the other end of the island.
2. All of my bills are paid. Well, all of them that were behind at least.
3. The Groundhog says Spring is coming early.
4. I'm a new volunteer coach for the Track and Field team at BCHS and track season is quickly approaching.
5. Television re-runs SHOULD be over for a little while before they make the big push towards May sweeps and the season finales.
6. My eye prescription got better meaning that my eyes are healing themselves.
You see, I've been self-diagnosed as suffering from seasonal depression, but it may be more than just this ongoing winter that is really bringing me down.
And I don't exactly know why either.
Here are some of the positives that I'm experiencing:
1. My best friend lives with us. He thinks he's mooching, but really we're mooching off his humor and wisdom. All of my friends love him and he just fits right in on the other end of the island.
2. All of my bills are paid. Well, all of them that were behind at least.
3. The Groundhog says Spring is coming early.
4. I'm a new volunteer coach for the Track and Field team at BCHS and track season is quickly approaching.
5. Television re-runs SHOULD be over for a little while before they make the big push towards May sweeps and the season finales.
6. My eye prescription got better meaning that my eyes are healing themselves.
December 15, 1791
What is the world coming to? Are you freakin' serious? If it isn't enough to try to take every last bit of dignity in my body, some people want to try to take my ability to have any feelings too? I'm so tired of people thinking that they are the only ones with feelings. That they are the only ones in the world who has ever been done wrong in their life. You know what, everybody in this world is gonna get hurt every once in awhile and it's not a crime to let your feelings show. It's a crime to slander someone's name, but it's not a crime to SPEAK THE TRUTH! It's called Freedom of Speech....
Amendment I
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.
Don't talk to me about hypocrisy sir, not until you look at yourself firmly in the mirror.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
For JMH
For JMH, wherever the hell you are...
You've lied to me.
You treated my loyalty with disdain.
You spit in my face when I stood by you.
Alone.
You've disrespected me
and
our friendship.
But no more...
I'll have none of the backstabbing.
None of the two faced talk.
You weren't a friend then,
you aren't a friend now.
That smile, covering only half your face,
the half that never looks me in my eye,
is just a part of your game.
You think you know all
the right words to say.
You think you know all
of the right moves to make.
Your lies are so thick,
you gain nothing.
Your game still fresh in my mind...
But I ain't playing.
Fool everyone else
with your sanctimonious attitude...
you won't fool me anymore.
Your actions prove who you really are.
Your words fall on deaf ears.
If your lie-filled lifestyle is what a "Christian" is, then I hope to burn in hell.
I want nothing to do with your christ...
Furthermore... don't give me the "You don't understand" line...
I understand plenty. I know what you've tried to accomplish.
Your kind does not last long in the real world.
You've got plenty of "friends"
but in truth, you're alone.
And you ache inside.
I pity you.
I pity your life.
I pity your existence.
You have no family any longer.
And all you had to do was tell the truth.
Be a man.
Take responsibility.
But you wanted the easy way out.
You'll find the easy way
will
cost
you
everything.
And I'll be smiling when you one day realize this.
Goodbye you small spineless little boy.
You've lied to me.
You treated my loyalty with disdain.
You spit in my face when I stood by you.
Alone.
You've disrespected me
and
our friendship.
But no more...
I'll have none of the backstabbing.
None of the two faced talk.
You weren't a friend then,
you aren't a friend now.
That smile, covering only half your face,
the half that never looks me in my eye,
is just a part of your game.
You think you know all
the right words to say.
You think you know all
of the right moves to make.
Your lies are so thick,
you gain nothing.
Your game still fresh in my mind...
But I ain't playing.
Fool everyone else
with your sanctimonious attitude...
you won't fool me anymore.
Your actions prove who you really are.
Your words fall on deaf ears.
If your lie-filled lifestyle is what a "Christian" is, then I hope to burn in hell.
I want nothing to do with your christ...
Furthermore... don't give me the "You don't understand" line...
I understand plenty. I know what you've tried to accomplish.
Your kind does not last long in the real world.
You've got plenty of "friends"
but in truth, you're alone.
And you ache inside.
I pity you.
I pity your life.
I pity your existence.
You have no family any longer.
And all you had to do was tell the truth.
Be a man.
Take responsibility.
But you wanted the easy way out.
You'll find the easy way
will
cost
you
everything.
And I'll be smiling when you one day realize this.
Goodbye you small spineless little boy.
For Chad
Too young.
Too much promise.
A young one inside,
almost held to the promised date,
before being pulled to safety.
Before today there was,
Excitement.
Anticipation.
Nervous Joy... now all
crushed under the wheels of an accident.
A family mourns.
A newborn babe is without her mother.
And a man is left behind.
Dreams shattered in an instance
A life given for a life taken.
But their hope reigns.
Hope.
For her, and hope for her future.
He'll stand tall.
He'll walk on.
Though his shoulders a little lower from the burden he bears.
Tears will be shed.
Hearts will be heavy.
But they have hope in Him.
And their hope lives on.
Too much promise.
A young one inside,
almost held to the promised date,
before being pulled to safety.
Before today there was,
Excitement.
Anticipation.
Nervous Joy... now all
crushed under the wheels of an accident.
A family mourns.
A newborn babe is without her mother.
And a man is left behind.
Dreams shattered in an instance
A life given for a life taken.
But their hope reigns.
Hope.
For her, and hope for her future.
He'll stand tall.
He'll walk on.
Though his shoulders a little lower from the burden he bears.
Tears will be shed.
Hearts will be heavy.
But they have hope in Him.
And their hope lives on.
Monday, January 24, 2011
012511 The Challenge
There comes a time in a man's life when his words and actions need to line up with each other.
Now is that time.
I hereby challenge all men, and I'm not talking to the little boys pretending to be men... I'm talking to the legitimate, stand when you pee-change your own oil-make a tree fort for your sons, men.
I'm talking to the men who aren't afraid to treat a lady like a lady, and to the ones who tell a little girl who's thinks she's a woman, that it is time to put her big girl panties on and act like a lady should, if they want to be treated like a lady.
I'm talking to the men who don't change who they are when they are around certain people, but respect those other people's views and show disciplined control and restraint.
Let's make sure we stand tall...
Let's make sure that we've grown a pair and that they hang low...
and let's make sure we carry this country on our shoulders with pride...
...pride enough to make our sons and daughters look up to us as everyday heroes.
Let's restore glory and honor to our once great country.
Let's restore the respect that was once held for our elders and authority.
Let's make a difference and not sit around and wait for some other generation to do it.
No more single mothers.
No more lost children.
No more.
The challenge has been placed before you.
What are YOU going to do with it?
Now is that time.
I hereby challenge all men, and I'm not talking to the little boys pretending to be men... I'm talking to the legitimate, stand when you pee-change your own oil-make a tree fort for your sons, men.
I'm talking to the men who aren't afraid to treat a lady like a lady, and to the ones who tell a little girl who's thinks she's a woman, that it is time to put her big girl panties on and act like a lady should, if they want to be treated like a lady.
I'm talking to the men who don't change who they are when they are around certain people, but respect those other people's views and show disciplined control and restraint.
Let's make sure we stand tall...
Let's make sure that we've grown a pair and that they hang low...
and let's make sure we carry this country on our shoulders with pride...
...pride enough to make our sons and daughters look up to us as everyday heroes.
Let's restore glory and honor to our once great country.
Let's restore the respect that was once held for our elders and authority.
Let's make a difference and not sit around and wait for some other generation to do it.
No more single mothers.
No more lost children.
No more.
The challenge has been placed before you.
What are YOU going to do with it?
Friday, January 7, 2011
010711 UofM, Dave Brandon and Rich Rodriguez
I just don't get it.
Seriously, I don't. Why are people so up in arms over this?
They screamed for Rich Rodriguez to be fired, and now they bitch about the way he was fired. C'mon people... make up your mind.
I, for one, did not want to see him let go.
I thought he needed to make some serious overhauls on the defensive side, but he should have at least had the opportunity to see his first recruiting class as seniors and then let his record speak for itself.
I also thought that Dave Brandon handled the situation perfectly, giving Rich the opportunity to leave on his own, and giving him a night to think about the best decision to make for himself and his family. What people do not realize is that if Rich had left on his own, resigning as head football coach, the University of Michigan saves the $2.5 million they had to "buy out" the rest of his 5-year contract. Instead, he chose to let Mr. Brandon fire him, and took the money. Something that really shouldn't surprise me. From the start, he's been about the money.
Apparently though, that isn't good enough for Michigan's fickle fans. I guess they needed an immediate firing, and anything less isn't acceptable. So why are people calling for Brandon's head when all he did was try to look out for the University of Michigan?
In the end, Rodriguez's pride kept him from acknowledging he may have gotten in over his head, and left casual observers with the impression of arrogance and ineptitude. His lack of leadership kept him from admitting that his defensive program needed an extreme overhaul after last season.
Seriously, I don't. Why are people so up in arms over this?
They screamed for Rich Rodriguez to be fired, and now they bitch about the way he was fired. C'mon people... make up your mind.
I, for one, did not want to see him let go.
I thought he needed to make some serious overhauls on the defensive side, but he should have at least had the opportunity to see his first recruiting class as seniors and then let his record speak for itself.
I also thought that Dave Brandon handled the situation perfectly, giving Rich the opportunity to leave on his own, and giving him a night to think about the best decision to make for himself and his family. What people do not realize is that if Rich had left on his own, resigning as head football coach, the University of Michigan saves the $2.5 million they had to "buy out" the rest of his 5-year contract. Instead, he chose to let Mr. Brandon fire him, and took the money. Something that really shouldn't surprise me. From the start, he's been about the money.
Apparently though, that isn't good enough for Michigan's fickle fans. I guess they needed an immediate firing, and anything less isn't acceptable. So why are people calling for Brandon's head when all he did was try to look out for the University of Michigan?
In the end, Rodriguez's pride kept him from acknowledging he may have gotten in over his head, and left casual observers with the impression of arrogance and ineptitude. His lack of leadership kept him from admitting that his defensive program needed an extreme overhaul after last season.
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